The Perfect Soulmate

I woke this morning to a bright beam of autumnal sunlight piercing through a gap in my bedroom binds, a sudden shock to the gloomy awakenings of late. It’s almost Halloween and Manchester’s City centre is bright, with a crisp freshness in the air. Don’t you miss those days you can wrap up in oversized chunky knits, a scarf and the exuberant reminder you can actually breathe as visible water droplets fill the air in front of you? Yes, I love winter and the wardrobe that comes with it!

I sit here now, on the comfiest sofa in the world (in my opinion), legs outstretched, MacBook resting gleefully on my knee. A symphony of green glows from behind my TV displaying the sweet sounds of my favourite Spotify playlist. Anyone who knows me is fully aware my apartment is filled with flowers, although all this time are beautiful gifts with special memories attached. The white & green Boquete of Roses, Chrysanthemums and a splash of Gypsophila, a housewarming gift, resting on my coffee table. Pictures of my nephew and I, first when he was born, and secondly not long after his first birthday, stand proud either side. Obscuring the green glow from the TV; a stunning collaboration of Deep Red and Pink Lilies, Roses and Dahlias, a leaving bouquet, catches my thoughts as I longingly lose myself in its beauty.

This Wednesday I’m filled with a bittersweet clarity of pastures new. Not just for me but those around me. This October has felt one of new beginnings, a reset in our futures, a chance to put what we wish to into the past and march hastily towards the future. An exciting transitional period, which brings hope along for the ride. As much of the positives from this month stand prominently within me, there are flickers of sadness dwindled in. The feeling of loss takes over for a moment, and my eyes start to brim with tears. As Charli XCX reminds me that Everything is Romantic, I begin to wonder. What constitutes the perfect Soulmate?

For me, this word is too often thrust upon hopeless romantics whose entire existence envelopes constant displays of affection from walking hand in hand, fingers wrapped around one-another fighting to prove who has the stronger love for the other, to tender kisses against an old statue in the city centre on a busy shopping day. Why has society taught us that to be soulmates, we must also be lovers? I am waving the flag for all the Platonic Soulmates™ out in this big wide world. The only reason I feel so safe and comfortable as a single Gay thirty-three year old male in 2025 is for this very reason.

There’re moments in life, so important, so special, so natural, so beautiful that can only be formed through real friendship. These moments shape us and help us to grow. They often form part of your own psychological mechanisms. I certainly know my decisions always begin with the following questions: What would they do? What would they say? Which outfit would they just say no to? Which picture would they let me post on social media?! I know who the true Creative Director of Rowan Barr is, and it’s definitely not me!

I am very lucky, sitting here thinking about the people who have blessed me in this life, to say that I have already met my soulmates, yes plural, as I strongly believe you can have more than one. The memories which fill my heart warm me as I type, thinking of all the wild moments I have created with these special people. The perfect (crazy) night out, the sixteen millionth after-date debrief, the endless WhatsApp chats filled with gossip and “I’m just a girl”, the silent movie nights with a glass of wine. Some may stay as memories, till we meet again later in the future, as their immanent exploration of new depths of the world begins tomorrow. And some will grow and develop as more time is spent with those still around me. All will mean the same to me and fill my heart with joy for the rest of my life.

You see with Platonic Soulmates™, they don’t need constant reassurance, they don’t need full descriptions of situations, heck, sometimes they don’t even need the English language. A single look can make you erupt with laughter, or tell you exactly which person they are avoiding. The connection created with my soulmates will last a lifetime and mean more to me than anything I could have ever dreamed.

I’m not discounting those who find that one special soulmate and lover, as hats off to you. BUT, and it’s a big but, if I am lucky to find that special someone, they need to understand they join extraordinary people in my personal Soulmate Library. As those who have already taken residence, can never ever be replaced. These soulmates are the reason I am who I am today, and I will be forever grateful. You know who you are. I love you.

See you soon,

Roro XOXO