Have you ever watched so closely as a pressure gage races further and further out of the green and into the dangerous deep red? Sitting thinking what will happen when the pressure reaches that frightening perilous stage. Wondering what will be when fragments of perforated metal hit every part of its surroundings at an exponential rate during its inevitable explosion. The pressures of life can feel tremendously catastrophic at the most inconvenient times.
This has happened to me of late. My whole world has felt as though it has spiralled down into the deep, dark rivers that flow below the balcony of my glorious Manchester City Apartment. Christmas cheer has descended into my one-bed with a glorious 6ft tree of golds, creams, silvers and sparkles. A moment of excitement possessed me to wrap all the boxes, in which the decs came in, with brown paper and beautiful thick tartan ribbon tied into gorgeous large bows. Two gold/white sparkly cone shaped trees filled with twinkly lights reflect against the wraparound windows protecting me from this cold December night. Many (probably too many) candles flicker away in my eyeline, bringing that internal smile and comfort for a moment. Happiness found in my own company brings serenity.
I sit here on this Thursday evening, 22:11 flashes up on my iPhone, hood up hiding from the world with the deepest Bondi Sands tan covering my entire body. My thoughts are elsewhere, thinking about all that’s happened recently. The heartache, the sudden and unexpected disaster which has rendered me sleepless nights due to endless tears. The separation of something significant with no hope of reconciliation. There’s a deep sadness filling the air which encapsulates my entire being at present. Will there be a moment I feel the release, that moment of true escapism I truly deserve?
Being an incredibly reflective person, I spend a lot of my time considering how I could have done things different. How I could have been the better person. How I could have changed to support the other. How I could have transformed and changed my inner being to allow for the other to fit in with my life. At this moment, I sit here and think; is this right? The simple answer is NO. Why change yourself to coincide with another? Why change yourself to suit another’s agenda?
A new friend of mine heard my stories of late, heard what I was going through and simply said nothing. They burrowed themselves deeply into their phone screen and for a moment I thought; how bloody rude? I’ve just trauma-dumped my whole soul to you and you… they saw that moment in my eyes and put their hand onto my shoulder. “I’ve bought you a present. You’ll understand very soon.” That was it. The conversation was over. I continued with my day and awaited this endearing presents arrival.
A day or two later, I saw the friend again and was presented with the special gift I’d been waiting for to give me some understanding. A book. A very special book.
I’ve only had a few moments to read the initial pages but I have felt so compelled to write due to this incredible piece of work. A simple, yet empowering literature piece which brings so much sense, so much calming and understanding. So much peace to my soul, and after all, shouldn’t we all be protecting our own peace? Sometimes you can often get so distracted by the small things in life we actually forget to just live it!
This book, written by the incredibly talented Mel Robbins, puts forth the simple idea to “Let Them” live their life. And that’s just what I will do. No longer will I have concern for the bad mood flowing through the friendship group, the colleague not turning up to work on time, the person not caring or showing you affection in the way you believe you deserve. Let them. It’s so simple, I sit here and almost laugh. Let them. Wow, what a moment. Never have two words, so simple, felt so true.
The minute you allow yourself to just let them be who they believe they should be, you can fully be who you are. And also, the minute who they are doesn’t align with you, don’t feel the pain, just… Let Them.
I implore you all to go and buy this book immediately, I’ve read two chapters and already feel crazily empowered. I have spent too much of my life being affected by what those thought of me, if what I said was the right thing, If I should change or adapt myself to fit with their idea of reality. When I really simply should just let them be who they believe they should be. And in glorious coincidence, then so will I.
Take those moments from those who truly align with you. Those special people who get your thoughts before you’ve opened your mouth. Those people who turn up, at the drop of a hat, with a bouquet of roses and your favourite Pinot Grigio, willing to just sit and listen, or simply just sit, just to be with you. Surround yourself with those without agenda, who genuinely see you for you and you them. There are special moments to be had all around you if you just let go and let be. I know who my special people are, especially through the dark times of late, and as always; I’m incredibly grateful for every single one of you.
I leave this here for the night, even though I could write for hours on this subject. But I am impelled to read more of Mel’s insightful words. But for tonight, just remember… Let. Them.
Roro XOXO
Rowan Barr 