You catch me on this majestic mid-October evening, large crisp glass of Pinot Grigio in hand, relaxing on my rather lengthy balcony, viewing the surroundings in a much brighter light than last week’s post. The sky shines a bright blue with the glimmer of sun atop fluffy white clouds, which tease us with their bright white marshmallow top before softening to an almost worrying deep grey below. Manchester hasn’t been party to much rainfall of late, a blessing I believe, but signs are starting to appear of a disastrous downpour in the immanent future… winter is coming!
An effervescent hum from passing buses, chorus of workers making their journeys home, and rattling cackles of groups in the restaurant below me fill my ears. In the distance, a flutter from passing birds scoping the below waters for their next prey. A clatter from two men carrying the most precarious shaped objects above their heads, marching towards market street, distracts me, and I must say, it makes for an entertaining watch. A tweet from a bird standing proud on the landscaped rooftop of TreeHouse Hotel captures my eyes, we glance directly at each other for a moment, before it takes flight on its next adventure. All this serenity doesn’t half make me wonder, and thus this blog takes its own adventurous flight.
In the busiest of cities, I fear the ever-growing silence. Social media is a platform loved by all. If I don’t post a daily lift/toilet selfie my colleagues and friends presume I’m seriously ill (or worse… Straight!). But it definitely has its deep routed flaws. The unrecognizable sounds of social media platforms fill everyday life. Yet those sounds are reduced to a simple ping or vibration… Does anybody else miss the art of conversation as it once was?
There are so many parts of the social world I could address here, however, the most troubling to me is the world of dating. Call me old fashioned but why has dating in 2025 become so… impersonal?
I’ve read countless blogs, articles and stories promoting dating apps and I’m not here to slate them. I promise, I really am not. This is the world we live in now. Even my mum uses them! But I would like to discuss the ideals of these platforms and ask one simple question. Is social media ruining our potential for love?
Not to play the victim, but it was always going to be hard coming out as gay in the early 2000’s, but at least there was a little thrill and excitement. The excitement of seeing a boy who may or may not have been gay. The rush of building up the courage to try and find out, or embarrass yourself in the process. The organic meeting of two people which could lead to something everlasting. The art of finding someone, has lost its… pizazz!
Answer me this; would you line up a group of your potential lovers in front of you and smack them in the face to the left if they weren’t for you? No! So why would we do it on a tiny device? Where has the romance gone?
I guess we need to look at the social standards of our generation. We come out to bars to get “f**ked up” (sorry grandparents) and buy a bottle of vodka for £200+ hoping the sparkler attached will find us our mate for the evening. Yes, I say mate, because the dating world is simply animalistic. Unfortunately, for the majority out there, the thought of finding more than a ‘shag’ appears barbaric. I know many of my friends crave the love and attention of a true companion but are exceedingly scared to venture to find that very thing. The comfort, and easy option, is a quickie after a night out… but this leaves us empty, well it does me. So why are we pinning all our hopes on finding true love on an app, of which, we have to bloody pay for, when we could venture out into this big beautiful world and form an idyllic, organic and genuine connection?
We might, however, actually be so lucky to finally bag that all exciting date. We will tell our friends, build up hope, spend hours planning an outfit, where to go, how to make it The Perfect Date™. Fast forward to the all-encompassing event and the night itself becomes one for the memories. You laugh with them, explore new topics with them, share stories and build that true connection. Heck, you may even enjoy the romantic “end of the night kiss” with them. You may even lift a foot off the ground like they do in the old movies. All this beauty, to unexpectedly be ghosted the following morning. Why does this happen I hear you beckon? Well, I simply don’t have the answer. I’m genuinely as perplexed as all of you! I do wonder though… have we become too scared to find true love?
As the blue of the sky blends into an intensifying grey, and the chill from the autumnal wind hits my fingers and renders me almost unable to type; I leave with a thought. Is there potential to consider the ideals that make us who we are; human. We are blessed with personality, communication, hope, expectation, fear, joy, excitement, exploration, positivity, negativity, anger, frustration, but above all things; we are emphatically blessed with love. Why aren’t we willing to share this with each other and building long-lasting, exciting relationships of whatever form possible, in person, in true romantic old-movie fashion?
Why don’t we breach the 2025 societal norms and follow in the footsteps of our ancestors?
Let’s stop hiding behind a screen and finally, come out!
Speak soon,
Roro XOXO
Rowan Barr 